February 17, 2012

My Impression Of A Movie Reviewer Slowly Going Insane

Let’s just say that Safe House isn’t exactly going to save Mr. Reynolds’ acting career.

A safe choice for Mr. Reynolds, but he doesn’t exactly take it to the house.

wait

bring the house down is better.

Safe to say, Ryan Reynolds doesn’t bring the house down. In Safe House.

In the movie Safe House, actor Ryan Reynolds saves the day but he can’t save a hackneyed old concept from boring the audience. House.

Safe House is a safe bet for a night at the movies, but ultimately there’s no one home.

No one is safe. OK, no.

If you want a night out of the house, you’re safe with Safe House, but you’d be better off saving your money and getting housed instead.

No. Christ.

Um.

House it going? Jesus. Fuck. FUCK.

-Inspired by @McCarrick

February 12, 2012

Excerpts From My Romance Novel, Part 3

The big question in Trixie’s mind wouldn’t stop bothering her. What about S-E-X? Like, she knew how to do it – that you light candles and put rose petals on the bed and light jazz or whatever – but with David, she wanted it to be special. And also, it had been such a long time for her – almost two weeks since Alistair had been lost at sea! – and she wasn’t sure she even remembered how it worked anymore.

She sighed sensuously. How did a small-town librarian with nerdy and demure but also secretly kind of sexy glasses who had never left her small town – never even left the library! – end up in such a predicament? Out of nowhere, three men had disrupted her quiet life among the stacks and changed it forever – an architect from the big city; a soft-spoken ranch-hand from some kind of ranch where you have pitchforks or whatever but don’t have to work with manure; and now a helicopter detective?! How she longed to be back inside that helicopter, spinning through the air on the way to a crime scene and Frenching passionately with David as the wind rushed through her hair but not too much.

She sighed languorously. Perhaps life would have been easier if Xavier and James and David hadn’t all accidentally turned up in her small town due to, respectively, an architects’ convention and a dark past that was best left behind, some kind of farm-related thing, and a broken down crime helicopter. At least she had her library and her passion for teaching children about the joy of reading books or magazines or whatever. She sighed obstreperously. And what about S-E-X?

<< Excerpts From My Romance Novel, Part 2
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January 30, 2012

The Top 200 Pop Songs of the ’90s: 60-41

<< Previous: 80-61

For the better part of a decade, if you went to a show at DC’s Black Cat any night of the week, there would be a large homeless gentleman with a booming voice at the door, and as you approached, he’d say, “Black Cat! Black Cat! Spare some change for the homeless.”  Depending on what show you were planning on seeing, he’d throw in a reference for good measure: “Modest Mouse, baby! Spare some change for the homeless.”

I must have seen dozens of bands play at the Black Cat during that era – particularly DC bands like The Make Up, Trans Am, Tuscadero, Circus Lupus, and Dismemberment Plan – as well as a who’s who of indie bands from around the country who made their annual pilgrimage to the legendary venue. The Black Cat has since moved down the street to a larger space, and the homeless dude who announced the shows doesn’t seem to be there anymore, but it’s still one of the best best best places in all of Washington, D.C., and long may it last.

Here are 20 more songs from the list:

(more…)